BEAR ALERT!

 

Human encounters with grizzly bears have been on the rise throughout Canada. As a result, the staff of Banff and Jasper National Parks now advise climbers, hikers, and backpackers to take extra precautions when in the wilderness and keep alert for signs of bears.

They advise that hikers wear bells on their shoes and bells on their walking staffs, which jingle loudly when they walk, so as to warn grizzlies of the hiker's approach and avoid startling the animals with disastrous consequences. It is also advised that hikers carry a can of pepper spray to use in self defense in the event of a grizzly encounter.

In addition, hikers need to be alert for fresh signs of bear activity. In particular, hikers need to learn to distinguish black bear shit from grizzly bear shit. Black bear shit is easily recognized as good-sized piles of large-diameter turds containing lots of berries and squirrel fur. By contrast, grizzly bear turds are much larger, contain bells, and smell like pepper.

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It is noted that due to the unpleasant taste of uncleansed bodies, grizzlies have generally learned to avoid Bigwall Kids. Therefore, Rurp Hardman and his devotees can walk the wild woods of Canada in relative safety.

What do bears do when they gotta go?